Sometimes, it can feel like you are reading foreign languages when you read texts from a narcissist. It’s easy for you to get lost trying to understand what they are saying. Learning to decode their texting patterns can make you more prepared.
Let’s look at some examples of text messages from Narcissists and how we can respond.
The Narcissist Text Habits
Gaslighting. Ghosting. Constant bombardment. Strange emojis, and strange pictures. This sounds familiar to you?
Do you feel like you are just playing games or engaging in an alternate reality when the narcissist texts? You aren’t imagining anything, but you might be onto something!
You probably know that texting with a narcissist is a different experience than texting other people. It is possible to feel anxious, frustrated and annoyed whenever you receive a new message. Sometimes, you may feel the temptation to block them.
Because narcissistic texting styles are manipulative and contrived, This is because narcissist crafts their words carefully and uses this form of communication to give a temporary boost.
Talking to a narcissist can be difficult enough. Texting adds an extra layer of complexity. Narcissists texting tend to make others feel embarrassed because they don’t have to think about what they want to say. You may start to question your reality and sanity.
Texts from a narcissist may also feel disjointed and confusing. While you may want their approval, you might also feel anxious waiting for them to reply. You may feel as though you are walking on eggshells if you get involved in the narcissist text game.
Below are some examples.
11 Narcissist Text Message Examples
You probably know that texts written by a narcissist are very different from normal texts. Their communication style might not be consistent with logic and patterns. Text messages may arrive at odd hours and without warning. Narcissists love jumping from topic to topic, only thinking about their own needs.
Although every narcissist will be different, there are some common patterns. Narcissists text to:
- Reaffirm their love for you (common during love-bombing).
- Gaslight your reality.
- When they feel you are distant, bring them back in.
- You will be coerced into helping them.
- Confirm that the relationship is still yours.
This section will discuss some of the most common narcissist text messages. These texts will make you question your reality and yourself. You will be captivated by the drama of narcissistic love.
We will also be discussing common hoovering techniques of narcissist text messages. Hoovering is a common narcissistic strategy that entices people back into their world, despite their best efforts to leave or set limits.
1. Total Bombardment Texts
Perhaps you were only present in the meeting for an hour. After the meeting, you check your phone to find that there are 10+ unread texts from the narcissist. You may also find voicemails and missed calls in extreme cases.
This is not a temporary situation or a sign of an emergency. When the narcissist is desperate for attention, total bombardment can occur. They feel most desperate when they know that you are unavailable.
This is a sign they feel deprived of their narcissistic supply. They need your validation and attention to feel re-in control of their lives. They will keep pestering you until they get it.
Expect to feel overwhelmed when you:
- You are busy (and the Narcissist is resenting that you’re busy at this moment).
- Narcissists feel threatened or worried about your relationship.
- The narcissist is trying to solve the problem quickly, but you are already in a fight.
- The narcissist will try to subvert whatever you are doing.
This overload is intended to convey a strong message: Pay attention! I will not stop until you comply! It’s like toddlers throwing tantrums until their parents give in to them. The more they respond, the more attention you will give them.
2. Intense Proclamations Of Love
No one in the world understands me like you.
Without you, I would die a horrible death.
I just love you so damn much!
Everyone likes to feel special. Narcissists use love Bombing to make their partner feel important. This may appear harmless at first. This may seem harmless, but it can also be attractive and exciting, especially if you are in the initial whirlwind of falling for it.
Consider how you feel about these messages. Are they a little too fake? Do they seem dramatic or exaggerated? Embarrassing? How would you feel if they were read by someone else?
These emotions suggest more nefarious intent. In genuine, loving relationships, partners genuinely validate and praise each other. It isn’t excessive, but it’s enough for both people to feel appreciated.
However, Narcissists often use hollow words to manipulate another’s emotions. Although they may not mean what they say they do, they are trying to make you feel certain things. What better way to accomplish this than by sending a quick message?
3. Vaguely Dramatic Texts
We can discuss it later.
What are you doing? I feel like shit.
I’m sure you won’t be able to see it until the end, but I just wanted to let you know that I got some very bad news.
These texts can be anxiety-provoking. Narcissists love to use emotional language in text messages with others. They use it to hook you into their dramas and keep you responding.
You might notice that they frequently send these messages after moments of disconnection, such as after an argument or when you have been apart for some time. They want you to feel guilty and hope you will try to rescue them from the current state of insecurity.
Negative attention can still be attention, especially when it comes to narcissism. They’ll do anything to get attention back on them.
4. No-Nonsense and Not Demanding Texts
It’s time to change your shirt. It’s slutty.
Come pick us up for dinner.
Please call me immediately.
While most people will send factual texts only occasionally, especially in times of urgent need, narcissists can come off as demanding and persistent. They expect you to give up everything and respond immediately.
These messages may appear out of the blue. Sometimes they may appear when the narcissist realizes you are busy and cannot agree to their request. They will most likely make a mockery of you and tell you how they are going to punish you if that happens. This is a win-lose situation.
5. Word Salad
Recently, I have been thinking a lot about you. I am sorry that I have made so many mistakes together. I am not used to being around someone so sensitive. I am determined to make things work. You are the only one who can trust me. Although I sometimes struggle to trust you, I do want to improve my trust. It is hard to not be jealous of other people who are attracted to you. But, I can do better. We can do better together, I believe. Would you be willing to work with me?
How do you feel after you have read the message? Confused? Uncertain? Uneasy? Narcissists use a lot of manipulative communication and half-apologies to overwhelm people with seemingly “thoughtful” messages.
Word salad is a mental term which describes disorganized speech and writing. It is common in schizophrenia and dementia.
Narcissists may also use the word salad to send mixed messages. This type of text is usually a sign that you are receiving it.
- It feels disconnected and unrelated.
- It was completely unprompted.
- It feels repetitive, almost like you’ve heard it many times before.
- All of it seems vague or too general.
- You feel attacked or blamed but aren’t sure why.
- There is a subtle sense that there is rage or competition.
6. Feigning Crises
Right now, I am at the hospital. I thought you might find this useful.
We don’t speak the same language, but I need your help.
Please let me know about something very serious.
It is no secret that narcissists are attracted to compassionate and empathic people. Narcissists are often predatory and can detect generosity.
They will take advantage of your kindness and use it to make you feel bad. Faking a crisis is a common hoovering tactic that can pull at your most sensitive heartstrings. These messages can be sent to you if you are going through a breakup or ending a relationship.
Remember that crises can take many forms. You might ask for a simpler request, such as
Yes, I do know that we are not together anymore. I don’t have any other people right now. If I don’t pay rent, my landlord threatens to evict me in a few days. It is extremely stressful. Although I don’t need money, it would be nice to have someone to talk with.
You will feel obliged to respond. Sometimes the crisis will be completely valid. Most of the time, however, the narcissist is simply creating or exaggerating drama to grab your attention.
7. Juicy Tidbits
I cannot wait to catch up with you! There is so much I want to share with you! XO
I’m so excited to meet you later–you’re in for a huge surprise!
Just talked with my boss. Wow! It’s amazing!
Only Narcissists use juicy tidbits for texting. This is a common way to communicate with others. Narcissists use this strategy to keep a dying conversation going.
A typical conversation could look something like this:
You: It’s a very busy day at work. Talk later.
Narcissist – Ok, I love you
Narcissist – Wow, just received the strangest call
Narcissist: It’s really on my mind. It’s something we can discuss later.
It may appear that the narcissist is just replaying an event. In reality, they are manipulating the situation to get your attention and energy. Even though they seem to not care if your response is received, it’s safe to assume that they are betting on your response!
8. Middle-Of-The-Night Drama
Did you ever get that text right as you were about to fall asleep? It’s not an easy one. You may feel pressured to answer. The question is innocent enough but intriguing enough that you want to hear their answers.
Narcissists are known for playing games with other people. Even if nothing is going on, they want to know they will get the attention they need. You reinforce the narcissistic text game by answering one of these late-night “innocent” questions.
9. Controversial Links/Pictures
Narcissists love to stir the pot and will send you strange links, websites or attachments to see your response. It is important to understand that they may not be concerned about the content, but they are only interested in your response.
If they know that you are passionate about animal welfare, they may send you a clip of a pet owner torturing their dog. They might also send you an article about a celebrity they loathe.
It might seem odd that someone would want to make you feel uncomfortable. Keep in mind that this isn’t your goal. It is about maintaining conversation and giving them a sense that they are in control of you.
10. Random Ghosting Patterns
You’re talking to each other and texting for a minute. Then it’s silence on the radio. This silence can last for hours, days or even weeks.
Although it may seem random, this ghosting pattern is entirely planned. The narcissist wants you to feel anxious. They might be feeling embarrassed or annoyed that they are putting more effort into their relationship. They might want to prove that you care about them by testing your loyalty.
They want you to voice your concern to them. They want you to say, “Is everything okay? Did I do something wrong?” I haven’t heard from you for a while.
They will usually gaslight you with a generic message like “Everything is fine.” Or, I’m just busy. Sorry. Sorry.
Sometimes they will respond with a vaguely dramatic response like “I’m just thinking about it or I’m struggling a lot, but I’ll get through it.” They know that this will make you more anxious and uneasy. They hope those feelings will make you feel more anxious and uncertain.
11. Oops! Wrong Person texts
Did you ever receive a strange, seductive or personal text from a narcissist, only to find out that you weren’t the intended receiver?
It’s possible to make mistakes, but it is unlikely that you have made them more than once. This is just the narcissist playing cruel tricks on you.
They might also be trying out different communication methods. They may want you to understand how important it is for them to text other people. You might even feel jealous if they tell you something you haven’t read before.
How do you respond to a text message from a Narcissist?
It can be difficult to know what to send a narcissist and how to reply to their text messages. You shouldn’t engage in harmful communication patterns and you shouldn’t feel obliged to reply to someone just to improve your self-esteem. These are some tips to help you get started.
1. Know Your Limits
You don’t have to reply to every message the narcissist gives you. You don’t have to reply within a few minutes of receiving the text.
It is perfectly normal to set boundaries for your technology use. This applies even if you do not have a narcissist. These are some examples of good boundaries:
- Use your phone only during designated hours.
- In the case of an emergency, it is better to ask people to call than text.
- At bedtime, turn your phone off or put it on silent.
- Avoid using your phone during vacations or holidays.
Remember that narcissists expect to be the exception in people’s lives. They are not interested in following rules. You can expect them not to follow the rules and to try to push you beyond your limits. It is your responsibility to maintain a firm stance.
2. Respond to One Message at A Time
Do not reinforce the idea of nonstop bombardment or word salad. It’s fine to respond if necessary.
Don’t feel pressured to answer every question they ask. You will only make their level more acceptable if you keep trying to match it.
3. Don’t choose text over serious conversations
This sounds like a lot. Let’s discuss this in person.
Sorry that you are going through this. Tomorrow, we’ll talk about it over the phone.
Texting is a better option than engaging in drama. Sometimes, narcissists can be more confident behind the screen than they are in person. If they are serious about having a conversation with you, it is possible to ask them to meet in person.
4. Don’t Laugh at Games or Gaslighting
Sometimes, it is the best way to respond to a text message from a narcissist. Instead of trying to convince them or argue, try to be more neutral and say nothing.
If you are looking for a low-contact relationship, this neutral approach can be beneficial. These types of relationships are best if you don’t want to get into narcissistic drama.
5. Blocking They
You have the right to choose who you wish to be in your own life. You may be able to stop narcissistic abuse if you are ready.
All the chaos is put to rest by blocking. You can also take the time to think about how you want your relationship to progress. Remember that you don’t have to block your relationship forever. Even if you feel ambivalent about it, it can still be a useful strategy for simply pausing and reflecting.
What happens if you don’t respond to a narcissist’s text?
What happens if you don’t respond to a narcissist’s text? How can you prepare for what happens if you ignore a text from a narcissist? Here are some things you can expect.
1. Increased Bombarding
Hey, I haven’t heard from anyone. What’s the matter?
Babe, are you okay? Why don’t you respond?
I’m getting worried. I will come over immediately.
You might find some very troubling news if you think their texting is exhausting. A narcissist may feel that you are ignoring them and become disoriented. They fear losing power and control, so cutting off their access to you (even temporarily) can make them feel threatened.
2. Devaluing
I’m never alone when I need you.
It’s almost like you don’t care that much about me.
It’s a shame that it took you so long to reply. I know that you have seen my message.
When they feel rejected, narcissists begin to devalue their loved ones. Sometimes the rejection can seem insignificant. You may have been busy all day. They saw your inattentiveness to be a sign you didn’t care.
As a punishment for their insensitivity, devaluing is done. Devaluing you over time can lead to them abandoning you.
When you are unable to meet their needs, they discard you. You become a control freak. They eventually have to move on to another person to feel the “rush” again.
This phase can last for months or even years. They might not reach the discard stage if they commit to the relationship. However, they will likely alternate between devaluing and love bombing to keep you on your toes.
3. Other forms of communication
If you don’t reply to their texts, some narcissists may just switch to another method of reaching you. If they are aware that you have blocked them, they may contact you by phone, email, or social media.
If confronted about their behaviour, they will often respond with something like, “I just wanted to check that you are okay.” Sometimes they will respond defensively by saying, “I care about you” and that something had happened. Are you asking me to stop caring? I can do that!
You should consider blocking them as an all-or-nothing measure. It is not enough to simply block them from calling or texting you. You should also delete them from social media, and inform your friends, family, and colleagues that you no longer want them in your life.
4. Use Other People
You haven’t replied to the narcissist for whatever reason. Perhaps you are too busy at work. Maybe you just need to take a moment to think and decide how to respond.
Some narcissists won’t give you room, but will instead force you to seek external reinforcements. To ensure everything is fine, they will call family and friends.
What does this mean for you? You will likely get a disturbing message saying, Hey, so and so just reached out to you and said they hadn’t heard back from you in a while. Is everything OK?
Last Thoughts
You’re not the only one who finds narcissistic messaging frustrating, confusing or draining. This is what most people feel when they are in a relationship with narcissists.
You don’t have to spend your entire life trying to decode their messages. You should instead reevaluate your relationship with them and consider your needs. How can you avoid giving in to the chaos? How can you set healthy boundaries to protect your health?
It’s not your fault if you are a victim of narcissistic abuse. Recognizing the problem and making positive changes can make a big difference in your recovery.