Why make a choice for your children?
Sometimes parents do make decisions that I do ask at times, if they know what they are really doing because he or she is your child does not give you the right to decide for him or her, or do you think that your children don’t know what they are doing or do you think they don’t know what is the best for them. Parents should try and understand that their child needs to be free and make some choice about their life or future themselves.
I was at home one day when my neighbor was shouting and disturbing the whole neighborhood on an issue I think is very stupid, the dad was busy shouting at his son that he want him to study medicine in university and not computer science he choose as a course to study, he was shouting seriously on him to go and change the course to medicine else he won’t approve it neither will he give him blessings or support him financially. I came closer to be clear and be sure about what I heard and he was still repeating the issue over and over again, then I sat down to think over this and I decide to write about this for us all to look into this issue.
There are so many decisions parents should allow their children to decide for themselves because they are the ones who are going to live with it and not you. How can you decide for your child the course to study in school, are you his or her brain? Are you the one going to do the job for him or her tomorrow? What are you even thinking as a father or mother to make that choice for your child, don’t try to do this mistake because is the future of the child we are talking about not your own,
that you decide to be a doctor, engineering or any other profession is your decision not your child’s own and not because you don’t have the opportunity to read the course or due to your love for the course or think that the course pay more than the one he or she is studying will make you try to force him or her to read it. Always remember this as a parents that he may read that course you love and end up been useless or may be successful and make money but may not be happy doing it, but that one they love to read may earn them a little but gives them more happiness doing it, so try to seek for your children happiness first.
Some parents always love to be the one to make a choice their children will get married to or they type of man or woman their children will marry, but I want to tell you something about this your rigidity because I think you are making a big mistake on this, always try to understand that marriage is agreement between two people and not one person, and I hope you understand what I mean, any marriage that the two don’t agree to be together won’t last neither will it produce good atmosphere, such marriage will be full of sorrow and tears especially for the girl.
Don’t try to make a mistake or ruin your child’s life with such big mistake because it last forever and the child will forever curse you because of this. I believe that every parent want the best for their children, no father or mother will love to see their children living a life full of pain and sorrow unless the child is not yours. So I believe that you as a parent will not love to see your children in pain, so do them that favor now and allow them decide who to spend the rest of their life with.
Some parents also make this mistake of not having time or making out time to spend with your children, this is a big mistake that you need to stop making, if you are doing it so because there is nothing like family, nothing in this world can replace family for you, make out your time to always stay close to your children because only by doing so will you get to know your children well, never wait till you have the time but rather try to make out that time to spend with them because time is what we all don’t have in this world, and a time spent can never be given back again but what we have is those memories we have in our mind and heart.
I remember one of my uncle who is late today, but when he was alive all he use to think of is his business and how to expand it to the highest level, he never had the time to spend or to stay with his children, now that he is dead will all these be given back to him? What memories did he keep for his children to live with? That is why I ask you today as a parent to please try to have time for your family and that little time you bring out always try to use it and build a memory that will last forever in your children minds.
Don’t try to leave them with that memory of nothing, they need your attention, if you have time ask that child what he or she want most from you and don’t be surprise when they will tell you little of your time because they need you beside them, they need you around them to always boast of, ‘this is my dad’ or ‘this is my mum’, why won’t you want them to be happy, or don’t you want to see that happiness in them? Try then to always make out that time always just for them. I have seen a family which always dance and play all night, they do almost all these things together and whenever you see them they are always happy and know what makes each other happy. Don’t you want your own family to be like that? Try now to make out that time!
Never make a mistake of beating that your child always because everything is not about beating and am saying this mainly for parents who are in Africa. Everything is not about beating and flogging, such thing make your child to always run or always be in fear whenever you are with them. Majority of children in Africa are always afraid of their parents when they are with them or whenever they see them coming back or coming towards them, your children is should be like a friend, brother or sister to you. Don’t make them to be afraid of you because if they are always afraid of you, they will never tell you their problems and will never open up to you on things bothering them and one day they may be in a big problem that you never will know until is too late for you to save or help them out.
Don’t make the mistake of not allowing them move along with their peer group because you may think by not allowing them to move along with their peer group that you are protecting them but you don’t know that you are making a big mistake by locking them up or making them stay indoors or at home always without moving out with their friends, then you are getting it wrong in a big way because it will make them fall into big problem. Think of it this way if you don’t allow them to go out and learn the good and bad from their peer group and always lock them indoors, they will always be eager to go out and know what is happening out there and due to their eager to learn something new they may end up been in problem by learning the bad ones first thinking it’s the good one.
So endeavor to always allow them move along with their peer group and when they come back don’t fail to ask them how their day went and what they did with most of their time. Try always to be close with them and know what they do when they are out there with their friends and advice them base on their daily activities, remember you can’t know your children better by just looking or things they do at home, you cannot learn them better without knowing the friends they keep and what interest them and what they do when they are out there with their friends. So I advice you today as a parent to keep your child close to you as a friend, for you to know the child better you need to do this.
There are some other decisions that parents always try to be the one that is deciding for their child but this are the main one that can really destroy a child future. If you are a parent reading this and you are part of those parents that love to decide for their children please stop it and allow your children to make their decisions at times because by doing so it will make you know them better than you can ever think of. Always remember that children are your companion too not just your children because they can also direct you and instruct you on the things that you may find it difficult to solve, so be close to them, listen to them and you will see they will also listen to you!
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