You might have seen the terms kink and BDSM online, on TV or Tinder. How do you find out what they mean? Before you decide if a kink or BDSM are right, here’s what to know.
What is Kink?
“Kink” refers to sex that isn’t considered “traditional” but can include non-traditional desires or fantasies.
What is BDSM?
BDSM refers to any consensual homosexual activity that involves bondage as well as discipline. It also includes dominance and submission, sadism, and masochism (hence, the origin of the letters D, S and M). BDSM involves a power dynamic between partners where one partner will have more power than the other during sex. Healthy BDSM requires all partners to have agreed to the roles they will play, and to understand how much power each one will have.
What is the Difference Between BDSM and Kink?
BDSM and Kink are often grouped into non-traditional forms of sexual activity. Sometimes it can be difficult to distinguish them. The main difference between BDSM and kink is that BDSM involves a power swap or differential between sexual partners. Kink, however, refers to a broader category of sex that can, although not necessarily must involve power dynamics. You could even call BDSM a type of kink.
What Do the Different Letters of BDSM Mean?
Bondage or discipline are methods of restraining or punishing another person using mechanisms such as whipping, spanking or other physically controlling and impacting them.
BDSM refers to any consensual sexual activity that involves bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism.
Submissive and dominant refer to the roles that partners play in this type of sex and the power they have in the relationship.
Sadism is the pleasure of seeing someone else suffer pain, while masochism is the joy of experiencing your pain.
What are some other types of kink and BDSM?
There are many categories in kink, and you can get creative with it! These are just a few.
- Impact Play: Uses something like your hands or an object to strike another person during sex.
- Group sex: This involves having sex with multiple people at the same time, sometimes with different power dynamics, a la BDSM.
- Role-playing – This involves having sex with partners pretending to be people or other non-human animals, such as a predator and prey, an animal owner and the animal, or people who are radically different ages such as an adult or a baby.
- Sensation play: This refers to sex in which one person is intentionally deprived of certain senses, or their sensations are heightened. Sensation play can be described as using a blindfold to prevent a person from seeing during sex or using heat or ice to create temperature-based bodily sensations.
- Voyeurism – Involves sex in which one or more partners are stimulated by the act of watching another naked.
- Exhibitionism – Involves sex in which one or more partners are aroused through the act of being naked or having sex.
Any type of BDSM or kink will include equipment and toys for sex. There are many kinky toys for beginners that you can try if you want to dip your toes in the water.
What does consent have to do with BDSM and Kink?
Healthy kink and BDSM are dependent on consent being obtained and boundaries being established in advance. BDSM can be difficult to navigate as some people find saying “no”, getting hurt, or being abused part of the way to get off the hook.
BDSM is a practice that involves a power dynamic between partners. It is common for one partner to have more power than the other during sex.
To have a safe and healthy BDSM experience with someone it is important to trust them completely. Talk in advance about your hopes and desires, and determine what you want to do. If you need to end the relationship, it is helpful to have a way of communicating with your partner in a safe and agreed-upon manner.
What is a safe word?
Participating in BDSM can include verbally saying “no” or acting like they are being sexually assaulted. Some sex partners use “safe words” to ensure that someone can choose out if they don’t enjoy sex.
Safe words are uncommon words that can be used as code for “stop”.
Example: Saying “stop” if your kink fantasies are being invaded against your will might help you to enjoy the experience more, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that you want your partner to stop. If you have made it clear that “poodle”, your safe word, is what you use during sex, then saying “poodle,” during sex will tell your partner if there is something wrong.
Do You Need to Try Kink or BDSM?
You can do it! You can explore incorporating kink and BDSM into your sex lives by reading kinky fanfiction on Tumblr or scrolling through BDSM posts. You must discuss what you are interested in with your partner before you do this. You can only healthily practice kink if you consent. As long as everyone is present, you can explore to your heart’s content.