Pregnancy is a paranormal time. A tiny bump, an open neural tube inner your uterus, grows into a complete-fledged, kicking, twisting, wiggling toddler. You’ve got a first-rate cause to like your belly. You may consume donuts and carrots together because, hello, being pregnant. Your accomplice will trek across city to fulfill your cravings. You get a brand new dresser, which includes the ones stretchy Bella Materna tanks that you will by no means, ever, want to stop sporting. Strangers smile at you. Kids point. You sail anywhere preceded via a huge, stunning stomach.
However then you definitely do stupid shit and screw all of it up.
There are certain stuff you have to now not do when you’re pregnant. I don’t intended drinking wine or snarfing sushi. I mean dumb regular belongings you need to avoid on your personal health and sanity.
I did all of them. I was silly. Do not make the identical mistakes as me.
1. Do no longer move furnishings.
My husband turned into long gone. I desired the changing table, which turned into simply an Ethan Allen bar, to head from the hallway (wherein it become within the manner) to the nursery (where it would nonetheless now not be out of the manner). I used to be 6 months pregnant. Logically, I ought to have waited. But my pregnant mind said this had to manifest now. So I tugged. I pushed. I picked up one emerge as rolled, dropping the solid-timber issue on my toe and ripping the nail. I wrapped that sucker in a paper towel and saved pushing. Thirty minutes later, my changing table become hooked up. My husband was furious. I was exhausted. Plus my toe hurt. Lesson discovered.
2. Do not wear a tankini.
With my first son, I whined approximately how fat i used to be from the first trimester ’til the time that baby came out. When we went to the pool, I hid my shameful, shameful fatness under a tankini, the simplest in shape that would accommodate my stomach. I was smarter with my second son. Whilst else, other than pregnant, did i’ve this type of large fantastic stomach? I swapped that wuss-ass tankini for a bikini that healthy my boobs. I looked gorgeous. You’ll too.
3. Do not strain over stretch marks.
You will in all likelihood get them. The first ones will make you cry. I got mine on my boobs, and ran upstairs in tears to inform my mom-in-law. She laughed at me. I concept she was insensitive. Now I realize she was certainly right. Your frame is stretching, as a result stretch marks. They’ll fade. Or they will look like tiger stripes. You earned that shit in warfare, female. Don’t bemoan them.
4. Do now not journey.
Just don’t. First you need to percent, after which you need to percent a few extra, and then you need to scramble round amassing everything you forgot to p.C.. Afterwards, you’re both caught in an airplane or a car, wherein you’ll have to stand up and pee about every 10 mins, stressful everyone who is not pregnant. While you arrive at your destination, there will no longer be almost sufficient pillows, and the smell of the restaurants will make you sick. Simply live home on your own safe pillow nest as an awful lot as possible. In fact, attempt not to move for 9 months. It’s desirable for you.
Five. Do not skimp on the pillows.
I wished six — two at my head, one on every side to cuddle, and one on every aspect to wedge my stomach and thighs on. This changed into very stupid. Rather, I should have sucked it up and Amazoned one of these crazy U-shaped maternity pillows that fee the moon however provide final consolation. You are pregnant. You deserve this issue.
6. Do no longer hesitate to deploy the “I’m Pregnant” card.
You are growing a human being. That is some of the hardest paintings, evolutionarily, that the human race can do. So you need to get what you want. Need to eat out? Pregnant. Need to live in? Pregnant. Want to head examine infant clothes? Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant.