You are tired, angry, and fed up with being treated poorly by the narcissists in your life. Perhaps you recognize that your current approach is not working and are ready to try something new. Perhaps you are ready to set healthy boundaries and build better relationships.
Is it a good idea to ignore a Narcissist? What does a Narcissist do when they are ignored? How can you protect your self-worth while also protecting your well-being if you make a conscious effort to improve your interactions?
It is not easy to deal with someone who has a narcissistic personality disorder. They react to being ignored in a dramatic, exaggerated and chaotic way. They want to make a scene. They will make you feel embarrassed, guilty, or confused by your choices. They want to feel in control and will do everything they can to keep that feeling alive.
Narcissists see you disregarding them as an attack. They will not respect your decision to maintain appropriate boundaries. They will see this as a huge form of rejection. As you probably know, rejection is a devastating blow to their fragile egos. They can’t bear it.
You desire freedom and respect. They need your validation and attention. Their energy is endless. You only encourage their destructive behaviour by ignoring them after a while. How can you break this vicious narcissistic abuse cycle?
What do Narcissists Do When You Ignore Them
It sounds easy enough to ignore a narcissist. They don’t respond or react to you. They don’t get any of your time. You can choose to be completely neutral if they need you.
This is the best way to piss off a narcissist. They feel unimportant and disconnected if they do this.
Ignoring a narcissist can cause rage. They feel anxious even if they believe they are being ignored (like it takes too long to reply to a message), They believe they have the right to what they want, whenever they want it. Anything that isn’t within that range feels like a betrayal.
They will focus on one goal if they feel ignored. This is to get your attention and bring you back into their lives. They will engage in various attention-seeking behaviour to achieve this goal. These behaviours are commonly known as hoover tactics. Narcissists will attempt to seduce you back into their chaotic worlds.
They might hoover you in many ways, including:
- Begging for your forgiveness.
- Reach out to your friends and family to reach you.
- Stalking you.
- Others will judge you.
- We are now on to the next supply.
- Assembling that you don’t exist or are irrelevant
- Incessantly apologizing
- You can make up for any emergency or crisis to get your life back.
You should keep in mind that they might use different strategies depending on their relationship. If they are confident in their methods, they will be more inclined to hoover.
It’s easier to tap into an existing or previous narcissistic source than it is to find one. They already know your weaknesses and will exploit them.
What does a Narcissist feel when they ignore their Hoover Attempts and are ignored?
Narcissists feel a constant sense of emptiness and hollowness. They need their narcissistic supply to temporarily feel whole. It is frightening to think about losing their narcissistic supply (you).
They will doubt your ability to endure and persevere if you try to ignore them for the first time. To get you back in their circle, they will use a variety of tactics to get your attention, including sweet talking, gaslighting and reaching out to other people. They will likely rely on a technique that worked in the past if it is still effective.
If you are “strong” in your strategy, you will see them increase the stakes over time. They use more extreme, intense, and frenzied tactics, which is a sign of narcissistic abuse.
They aren’t trying to understand your needs or show empathy for your feelings. Everything is about them and the perceived rejection. They believe they have the right to all of your attention at any time they wish. They will often try to lure you back in by increasing their efforts.
What does a Narcissist do when they are blocked on social media?
It’s difficult to get rid of people in a digital world. The following could happen if you decide to block the narcissist:
- To stalk you, they might make fake profiles.
- You might be “accidentally” followed by them.
- They may call you or send you a text to get an explanation.
- They may continue to view your content through another friend’s profile.
- They may try to make you look bad online.
- They may not do anything because they are planning for their next move and waiting.
However, it is generally more beneficial to block the narcissist than to remain friends online, even with all of these possible consequences. If they feel ignored, it can be risky for them to find out your location. Online access makes it easier for them to stalk you or engage in other obsessive behaviour.
It may also be harmful to continue checking in on them. You may feel remorseful, sad, hopeful, or ashamed if you spend time looking at their profiles online. These feelings can trigger you to reach for someone in a time of weakness.
What happens if you ignore a narcissistic text?
Narcissists often use written communication to devalue or love-bomb others. They may find texting more comfortable as they can plan what they want and take as much time as necessary to craft the perfect message. What happens if you ignore a narcissist’s incessant texting and ignore them?
Sometimes they may continue to text you almost as if nothing has happened. They might pretend that they didn’t notice you weren’t responding. They will then go about their normal day, having a conversation with you, and updating you with any details that they feel are important. Although this can be frustrating, they attempt to convince you (and themselves) that everything is normal.
They may also pester you with their questions. What is the matter? Have you seen the last email I sent? What will you be doing today? Why don’t you talk to me? What is your problem? These questions are often direct and they are looking for a solution, even if it is a simple one-word answer.
Narcissists can sometimes lie flat to get your attention if you have been neglecting them. They might send you a very emotional or sultry text, then say “Sorry, it was meant for someone else.” Even if they don’t reply (which you shouldn’t), it’s still a good feeling to know that you are thinking about them. They often feel a sense of satisfaction in knowing that you are thinking about them.
They might also try to get your attention by pretending to be in crisis. My dog is very sick and I am taking her to the emergency vet immediately. I hope you’re doing well. You will feel tugged at your heartstrings by the “crisis” and want to help others. Even if the crisis is true, they will inflate it to evoke your emotions.
What should you do if a narcissist is bothering you?
You don’t have to ignore a narcissist. You deserve respect and healthy relationships.
It takes dedication and commitment to choose to ignore the narcissist well. Before you make this decision, think about your motives. Do you want to take revenge? Are you trying to get revenge? Do you want to get an apology? Are you hoping for a genuine apology?
It’s time to pause if you are answering yes to any one of these questions. Even if you do achieve your goals for a short time, it is likely to be temporary. You will likely return to your normal dynamic once you have their attention. This only encourages their manipulative behaviour.
Realistic expectations are essential. Narcissists won’t change their behaviour if you ignore them. While they might try to improve their behaviour, they will often give up once they have refuelled their narcissistic energy. This can lead to feeling resentful, angry, and exhausted.
If you are trying to stop enabling a narcissist, it is best to ignore them. This could mean avoiding contact with them or keeping minimal contact.
Do They Want You to Leave a Narcissist?
It is possible, but not immediately.
At first, it may feel like a challenge to ignore them. It’s a game and they will be determined to win. If you’ve ignored them in the past they may engage in the same tactics that they used in the past to get your attention.
Understanding the Refueling of Narcissistic Supplies
You may have wondered how a narcissist can jump so quickly into a new relationship. It’s because they are constantly looking for people they can love and support them. They rely on this supply to feel safe and special.
Rebecca Marcus is an LCSW and psychotherapist. She shares the following analogy about narcissism. “A narcissist’s ego looks like a colander or a balloon with a hole in it. The person may be able to fill it up but not hold water or air. Therefore, they are looking for validation and knocking down others when they feel threatened.
Remember that narcissists aren’t content to use people. They will also seek out ways to increase their supply of:
- Realizing measurable success.
- Accumulating wealth.
- Attained a high level of status.
- A perfect appearance.
- Being influential or important.
- Addiction to addictive hobbies and behaviours
Their efforts, however impressive, prove futile. They are insatiable for validation and adoration, no matter how much they have. Their hunger doesn’t go away. People who fall for their traps feel tired and insecure.
The truth is that narcissists will depend more on you for their supply of supplies the closer they are to you. They feel secure and at ease with you, which is why they trust you. They will use your kindness to exploit your vulnerability and accept their faults.
The narcissist may feel lonely if you stop giving them this supply. They will then feel unable to accept that feeling and will attack you, trying to divert their attention elsewhere.
What Happens if a Narcissist ignores you?
It might seem that if they ignore you first, it makes it easier to ignore them. This is false.
Narcissists will ignore you because they want power and control. They will ask you to tell them how you have hurt their feelings. They want you to admit your error and offer your sincere apology. They may decide to forgive you.
It’s a game between cat and mouse. They are looking for your attention, long-winded promises and gifts of love. They need to know that you are truly and there for them. That you can accept their mistakes and successes.
Understanding Stonewalling
Narcissists may engage in stonewalling to provoke a response. To shut down another person, stonewalling is an intentionally harmful technique. It can feel like the other person doesn’t listen to you if you are on the receiving end. They are completely checked out.
Stonewalling can seem like a temporary relief, especially during heated arguments. You might believe that the narcissist will stop being upset and ignore you. It’s a calculated move. They want you to start to ask what is wrong. They want you to apologize, become anxious, or try to fix the situation in some other way.
Who is the First to Give in?
While someone will eventually stop looking at the other person, if you play this game with a narcissist you are doomed to fail.
First, if the narcissist stops ignoring your concerns, then they’ll likely expect things to return to normal. They have moved on! They aren’t upset anymore! They are ready to discuss the issues and get back on track.
What happens if you feel angry, confused, or upset after all this? You’re the problem. You are the one who drags things out and makes it too complicated.
However, if they are persistent and you try to get them talking, it is possible. It’s their way. You might get reprimanded for doing the wrong thing. They may criticize, degrade, or attempt to hurt your feelings. They will try to make it clear that you are responsible for all of the problems in your relationship.
Is it the best revenge to ignore a narcissist?
You can, but it shouldn’t be your goal. It’s not your goal if that is your goal. That’s a way to fall at their level and you won’t win. You are not playing on the same level as the narcissist. Expect to be frustrated and angry if you try to follow their rules.
Instead, think about this: How much energy would you like to put into this relationship? What are your boundaries?
Narcissists are not able to accept boundaries. They are unable to accept the idea that other people have needs they don’t. They build their lives around their narcissistic needs, which is an endless search for validation and security.
They may feel that your needs are insignificant compared to theirs and lack empathy to truly understand you. If your needs get in the way of theirs they will prioritize their needs even if they try to act differently.
While it might seem like the best way to get revenge, you should not let that be your motivation. It’s better to work on self-worth and attending to your natural needs for self-care.
How to ignore a Narcissist 7 Steps to Ignore the Narcissist
It may seem easier to ignore the narcissist than it is. It can be difficult to decide where to draw the line, even if you are clear about your desire to avoid contact.
The task ahead of you if you’ve decided it’s time for self-respect can feel overwhelming. Narcissists often have a close trauma bond with their loved ones, which is due to cyclical abuse. You might feel guilty for changing the status quo and feel responsible for their happiness. These are some suggestions to think about.
Recognize the Symptoms of Trauma Bonding
Trauma bonding is a complicated concept. While you may care deeply about the well-being of the narcissist, it is possible to be naive. You may feel frustrated and disheartened by their actions. Trauma bonding is when you feel love for someone who is hurting you.
Another sign of trauma bonding is:
- You no longer feel like the person you are with.
- Feeling distraught at the thought to leave the relationship.
- We hope they will change our behaviour.
- Focusing on the positive moments or good times.
- Avoiding making excuses and rationalizing their actions, especially in front of others.
Trauma bonding doesn’t just happen to narcissists or their loved ones. Anyone can experience trauma bonding, whether they are physically or emotionally abusive. Some people don’t realize the severity of these symptoms until someone else does or they seek professional help.
Understanding the Familiar Patterns of Narcissistic Personality disorder
According to Dr According to Dr., It’s important to understand that narcissistic personality disorder (narcissist personality disorder) is designed to respond in predictable ways.
Rubin then recommends four strategies. Ask yourself what you can do for your family and yourself to prevent harm. It is your job to find ways to reduce stress. You might be able to limit your time with the narcissist and spend more time with friends and family. The “grey rocking” technique is another option. Third, seek out a therapist who can help you with Acceptance and Commitment therapy. Fourth, practice compassion and kindness in stressful situations.
Identify Your Boundaries
Even though narcissists are often unable to accept other boundaries, you must recognize your interdependence limits. No matter the nature of your relationship with someone, you are responsible to take care of yourself.
Boundaries could include:
- Establishing rules for touch and intimacy
- Refuse to accept rude, offensive or degrading language
- Specific guidelines for sharing or giving money away.
- Limiting confidentiality and privacy.
You should at the very minimum reflect on your boundaries. What are your boundaries? What do you expect from others?
It’s OK if you don’t have the answers immediately. This should be a sign that you are taking better care of your health.
Avoid getting involved in the drama
Dr Nereida Gonzale Berrios suggests that you don’t feed the narcissists’ attention-seeking behaviour. The narcissist will be less inclined to rely on your help for their narcissistic supply if you avoid it.
She says, “Never let them know that you are unhappy about their behaviour. It will only fuel their manipulative tendencies.” Emotional control is something you will need to master. Be calm but firm about what you want.
The Grey Rock Method
For those who are unable to avoid narcissism, the grey rock method might be beneficial. Sometimes it’s impossible to avoid all cases of narcissism. For example, it might not be possible to cut all ties to your child’s other parent or difficult coworker.
Grey rock communication is a way to communicate without emotion or much interest. Instead of reacting to the drama of the narcissist, you behave like a rock and are unresponsive.
Therefore, communication tends to be brief, factual, and limited. It is possible to avoid eye contact, and use non-committal phrases such as uh-huh or sure. If you’re still trying to decide what boundaries you want in your relationship, grey rocking can be an excellent tool.
It’s not recommended as a long-term strategy. Grey rocking can become exhausting over time. It’s not a good idea to suppress your emotions. This approach should be used with a supportive network.
You should also be careful not to tell the narcissist anything about your activities. This can lead to more abuse or rage. The narcissist will not understand why you choose to withhold crucial information.
Take care of who you confide in
Narcissists will often try to bind themselves to your family members or friends if you’re pulling away. They might try to convince you that they are unreasonable or difficult. They may also attempt to get their empathy and compassion.
It is important to be aware of the people you confide in when discussing the narcissist. Try to find people who aren’t mutually related to you. You can reach out to a therapist, or other trusted professional if you don’t know anyone.
This advice is not meant to make others suspicious. This is simply to make you aware of possible abuse tactics narcissists might use to lure you back into a relationship.
Take a look at the No-Contact Approach
Taking a non-contact approach is the best way to ignore it. This approach can sound harsh, but it is often the best for emotional healing. You can stop all contact with the narcissist and avoid adapting to their needs. There is no “grey area.” You have the freedom to continue living the way want to.
Discipline is key to a successful no-contact approach. You can’t answer their calls, text messages, or Facebook friend requests. You must be firm about your boundaries, even if others ask questions. You cannot give in to the demands of the narcissist by accepting a no-contact approach. It’s what he wants (and often anticipates). So it is your responsibility to keep your limit.
They will likely continue to try to reach out. They will be sorry and promise to make amends. They will be angry and spiteful and may send you rambling messages at night. These are just their needs to be heard.
They will lose power and control if you don’t pay attention to them. They also lose the power to control their life.