A happy relationship isn’t always about doing all the right things. It’s also about knowing how to communicate your feelings, both good and bad. When you speak from a place of desire, you can be sure that your partner will know what you need and want more than anything else in the world.
It’s important that both of you feel like they are there for each other, but it’s equally important that both of you feel like they are supported in their desires.
That way, even when things get tough, there’s still someone there who understands them completely. Here are some ways to keep the language of desire alive in your relationship.
Why is the Language of Desire Important
When you speak from a place of love, you don’t always have to say the words that you mean. You must understand what your partner needs and then make it clear to them. What does it mean to let your partner know that you love them? It could be telling them a joke, cooking for them, or giving them a message when they ask for it.
Sometimes, it’s saying something as simple as, “You look beautiful today” that demonstrates what it is that you want.
You must always speak from stages of love, even when you’re being honest, or when you’re angry. There is a fine line between showing them that you love them by being honest and showing them that you’re mad by not letting them know how you feel.
How Can You Keep It Alive in Your Relationship
Listen to Your Partner’s Needs. When your partner is speaking, your attention should be immediately directed to what they are saying. It’s okay if you don’t agree. Don’t just nod and smile. Listen to the needs behind the words.
Take a moment to ask yourself what you need. You may need to tell your partner how you feel about their actions, or you might need to tell them that you need more intimacy. No matter what your need is, make sure that your partner feels like they are heard and respected.
Speak From a Place of Compassion. Chances are that you feel a lot of things deeply. Some of the things you feel may be good, some of them may be bad, but whatever the case may be, you want to be sure that the way that you feel is compassionately communicated to your partner.
Know What Your Needs and Wants Are. Never assume that what you want is what your partner wants too. There are always barriers that stop the two of you from being exactly who you want to be.
First, they might need you to think and act a certain way to be able to give you what you want. Second, you may need to be patient or they may have issues with the way you communicate because it doesn’t reflect their desires or desires for you.
Just ask them what they want and be sure that you listen to them, even when you don’t want what they want for you. It’s just as important for you to be able to talk about what you want and need as it is for your partner to know.
You can’t expect them to always know what you want when you don’t know what you want yourself.
The Power of Saying What You Need and Want
When things get tough, it’s easy to slip into the “blame game.” You’re tired of being alone, you want your partner to like you, or perhaps you’ve got a problem that you don’t know how to express or that makes you feel incredibly vulnerable.
You turn to the person you love, who loves you unconditionally, and you desperately try to find the words to tell them what you need. They know you’re hurting, they know you’re scared, and they know you’re nervous about putting yourself out there, but they also know what you need.
That’s when you must get real with your partner, and tell them what you need: to feel seen, to feel safe, to feel special, and to feel beautiful. Remember: You’re not asking them to fix you.
The Power of Being Heard
Be vocal about your feelings. You’ll never get through an argument with your partner if you’re not clear about your feelings. Put them in writing (emails and texts can work well), then listen to them when they speak back to you. You may not agree with everything, but at least you can have an honest conversation about it.
Communication also helps you figure out what you need and want. Let your partner know what you expect and need, and take a few minutes to write down what it is you want or need. Don’t worry, no one will read it. But it’s good to know it.
Focusing on what’s positive. When your partner is a jerk or ignores you, you may not want to be around him/her. So, focus on what you like about him/her instead.
How to Communicate With Each Other About Difficult Things
The key to having a happy relationship is being able to talk about difficult things and even embarrassing things that you would never want your parents to know about.
If you are scared of scaring each other and don’t feel comfortable speaking up, there are two things to consider. First, don’t bottle up your anger or fear. These are things that need to be acknowledged and dealt with immediately, whether you’re talking to your partner, your friends, or your therapist.
The second thing to keep in mind is that each of you is allowed to be angry with one another. It’s healthy to express your emotions and to have your partner there to validate them.
But you should never feel embarrassed about sharing what you’re feeling.
Take Care of Yourself and Your Partner
When you start to feel as though you have no desire to be intimate with your partner, you should take care of yourself. This means that your health is a priority and that you don’t try to do more than your body is physically able to do.
Healthy relationships can exist without sex, so if you are feeling as though your relationship is lacking any kind of emotional or physical intimacy, the best solution is to get to the root of the problem.
Learn to ask for what you need, when you need it. If you aren’t feeling supported by your partner, talk to them and figure out where the problem lies. Is it because your relationship lacks desire? Are they too busy? Do they not listen? It’s also important to practice saying what you need directly.
Making time for each other is something that takes practice. But as you build the intimacy in your relationship and the intimacy in your relationship with yourself, you’ll find that you two will be the kind of people that you both want to be.