Although it might seem like a ruined, orgasm has a very simple definition it could refer to an orgasm that has been halted before reaching its full potential. However, it can also have many meanings. While some ruined orgasms can be intentional, others may not. This can lead to sexual frustration. Unintentional orgasms can have many causes. These reasons vary from one person to another.
We reached out to experts and healthcare professionals to learn more about ruined and gases.
What is a ruined Orgasm?
A ruined orgasm occurs when a partner’s sexual organs are stimulated beyond the point of stimulation. “At this point, there are two options: either no orgasm happens or it will be less satisfying than if the stimulation was continued throughout the orgasm.
Dr Michael Ingber is a urologist who has a sub-speciality in sexual health. He explains the sexual response cycle that leads to a ruined orgasm.
- The blood flow to the genitals is increased during the arousal phase. This is when clitoral engorgement or an erection occurs.
- Repetitive stimulation of the penis and clitoris can cause a sympathetic nervous system release, which causes a climax (or ejaculation).
- If there is a ruined orgasm, the partner should be brought right before the climax phase. The stimulation can be stopped.
- This can often lead to ejaculation with no orgasm or a less intense one.
What can cause an unintentional ruin of orgasm?
An unresolved orgasm can result from physical or mental conditions.
Unintentionally ruined orgasms can be caused by emotional reasons.
According to Dr Jess O’Reilly (Astroglide), a ruined orgasm is when your partner does or says something that makes you uncomfortable. This can cause you to stop orgasm or make it less intense.
Dr Christopher Ryan Jones says that a ruined sex session can be linked to anxiety, stress, preoccupied thoughts, guilt, and/or depression.
Unintentionally ruined orgasm:
A few physical factors can cause an orgasm to stop working. If your partner stops stimulating you right before the climax, it could result in a ruined orgasm. Dr O’Reilly says that ruined sex can also be caused by your Wi-Fi being disconnected while you watch porn.
Many people who feel pain during sex experience ruined orgasms. These symptoms can often be dismissed as normal by doctors, who may say things like “It’s all in my head” or “It just happens with ageing.” Dr Jeffcoat says that the following conditions can cause ruined sex:
- Vaginismus refers to muscle spasms that occur in the pelvic floor muscles.
- Vulvodynia (chronic, unidentified vulvar pain)
- Vestibulodynia is a chronic, unidentified, pain in the vestibule region of the vulva
- Endometriosis is a painful condition caused by the tissue that lines the abdomen growing outside the uterus.
- Interstitial cystitis is a chronic, painful condition of the bladder, also known as painful bladder syndrome.
- Dysorgasmia (painful orgasms)
- Dyspareunia (painful intercourse)
- Postcoital pain
- Nerve Entrapment (in more severe situations)
How can one stop unintentionally ruined sex?
There are a variety of mental, emotional and physical measures that can be taken to avoid unintentional orgasms in the future, depending on the reason.
If you are experiencing emotional pain, these things can help:
People who have trouble having orgasms or difficulty having a satisfying orgasm to just quit trying. I would recommend sensate exercise [intimate touch exercises that allow one to fully be in their body during sexual activity] for a certain amount of time. It all depends on the severity and exact nature of the problem.
Partners should make time for sensate activities, such as kissing and touching. “They could let their fingers and kisses roam freely around the body of their partner slowly and playfully.” This exercise has two purposes. It is designed to make your partner more attractive and to help you discover new pleasure areas together. Dr Jones says that orgasm should be discouraged.
Dr Jones states that it depends on the situation. He may recommend that they start with touching and kissing for one week, then move to touching and kissing light oral play and then slowly progress to more advanced techniques. It is important to stress that they don’t reach orgasm in any of these sessions. This would be counterintuitive. People are often so focused on orgasm that they completely ignore or miss the pleasures leading to it, and they then are only disappointed.
Dr O’Reilly suggests asking yourself the following questions if one’s thoughts — “you feel anxious that an orgasm won’t happen” or “you feel shame for having an orgasm” — is the reason for a ruined orgasm.
- Orgasm is a serious problem.
- How much shame can you let go of your sexual scripts?
- These messages of shame were learned from whom? Are they reliable?
- To replace the negative sexual scripts, what positive affirmations could you use? I’m worthy of love. I’m worthy of pleasure. (Sex is healthy.)
- What are the true benefits and potential risks of sex?
- What makes you love sex?
- What makes sex enjoyable?
Dr O’Reilly says that mindfulness can be helpful when sex is interrupted by intrusive thoughts. To help with this, Dr O’Reilly suggests the following:
- Visualize your stressor or problem and place it in a box.
- Imagine yourself taking the box out of your room and storing it somewhere safe so that you can return to it later.
- If the thought of sex creeps in during sex, you can accept it and not judge it. It’s there in another room, waiting for your attention.
- Refocus your attention on one sense. Focus on touch, for example. How do you feel about temperature, movement and textures? What is the rhythm of your body? To bring yourself back to the present moment, if your partner touches you, listen to the sensation of their skin against yours.
Whatever the situation, communicate with your partner. Talk about the situation and find ways to work together to resolve it. You can seek out help from a sex therapist if the situation does not improve.
If it is physical, you can try these:
Dr Jeffcoat suggests that you seek the help of a pelvic floor physical therapist if you have any of these conditions. A pelvic floor physical therapist can help patients achieve their goals and even offer a home program. Consult your doctor immediately if you are unsure of the cause of your pain.
Dr O’Reilly stresses the importance of communicating with your partner if your partner causes the orgasm to stop. “If they stop breathing as soon as your partner starts to breathe heavily or loudly, it may seem like your orgasm has ended. Tell them how your orgasm sounds and looks. Do you feel the orgasm last for only a few seconds? Or do you experience intense pleasure and contractions that last for over a minute?
You should be clear with your partner about your desires. If they are bringing you joy, give them a verbal cue that they should “keep going”. Dr O’Reilly states that you will likely notice a decrease in the chances of your orgasms being ruined if you communicate more clearly.
Madsen emphasizes that “it’s important to consider the whole body as a sexual organ, not just the parts between our legs.” Touching, kissing, or nibbling the neck, neck, and other parts of your body can be part of this.
What is an intentionally ruined orgasm, you ask?
According to Angela Watson, a ruined sex session is when a partner has been stimulated up until the point where the climax occurs and then stops abruptly. This is a BDSM practice. This can be either a stoppage just before or after an orgasm or a stoppage just as ejaculation starts. This will cause the semen to dribble rather than shoot out in people, and they will not feel any contractions of their pelvic muscles.
Watson says that ruined orgasms can be very enjoyable because they allow the dom (dominant), to have control over the sub (submissive). She says, “It can also make the sub happy, as it will intensify the denials and teasing that come with chastity playing.”
Lorrae Bradbury, a sex, love and empowerment coach and founder of Girl Problems, reiterates that an intentionally ruined orgasm could be part of a “chastity or edging or orgasm control dynamic” in which the partner is denied the satisfaction of orgasm even if there were physical releases.
Bradbury suggests that you experiment with an abandoned orgasm. “[Work] until the point of orgasmic inevitable or even the beginning seconds orgasm, then remove any touch or sensation. This allows for the orgasm contractions to continue without any additional sensation to make them more intensely pleasurable.
Edging is another control method for controlling orgasms. This is different from a ruined, orgasmic orgasm. It’s a repeated process that leads to an actual orgasm. This happens when someone reaches the edge of an orgasm or climax. This is repeated until the person can fully orgasm. You can also use it as a treatment for premature ejaculation.
Final Thoughts
Before you try anything, consult a doctor if you aren’t sure what is happening to your body. Talk to a therapist or doctor if you are struggling with mental health issues. Talk to a sex therapist if you need therapy that is specific to your sex life.