Your man should be there for you unconditionally. You want a steady commitment and a stable relationship that is both exciting and secure.
This being said, how do you picture your ideal man? Are they strong and unwavering or do they seem weak? Are you strong and determined? Is he able to defend his beliefs without hesitation and fear? Are his compassion and confidence as strong as his convictions?
Many women dream of finding Prince Charming. This fantasy is real, and it’s called the hero instinct. This instinct is man’s evolutionary response to protecting their family members every day. This man is confident, self-assured and intelligent. He takes care of his family with ease.
His relationship with you is his top priority. He will do everything he can to keep you safe and happy.
What triggers the hero instinct in men, though? Is it biology? Is it more common for some men to stay committed and loyal than others? Are there other psychological factors? How does this instinct relate to romantic relationships? Let’s get started.
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What is the Hero Instinct of Men?
James Bauer, a dating and relationship coach, says that the hero instinct is similar to hunger, thirst and sex.
Bauer claims that the hero’s instinct drive is stronger than other instincts when activated.
What is the hero instinct then? It is simply a man who knows he needs to be there. The classic damsel-in-distress scenario is an example.
A man desires to feel strong and heroic. He wants to be able to rescue others when necessary. When a woman lets her man do this, when she creates the opportunity for protection and love, he will get in on the action.
Bauer says that once a woman activates her drive, he will find her irresistible. He cannot get enough of her. He develops an obsession with her when this happens. He makes her his most important priority.
The hero instinct refers to maximising the masculine energy benefits. Masculinity can be a broad term, but it usually refers to the behaviour, expectations, and roles associated with men.
This is often referred to as being assertive, tough and stoic in mainstream society. This man can handle stressful situations with ease. He is competent. He can assist others easily.
According to some relationship experts, most men (if not all) have the hero instinct. It is a part and parcel of their personality and a crucial factor in dating and commitment. They must be with the right person to unlock it.
How to trigger a man’s hero instinct
It all boils down to understanding that the right man in your life wants to support and protect you. Helping him feel special and appreciated will increase his self-esteem which will make him more likely to remain in the relationship.
These are some easy ways to trigger your hero instinct. These are only guidelines that may not apply to all relationships. If you are incompatible, you may need to seek professional guidance if you wish for things to work.
1. Compliment Him Often
Emerging research has shown that men love receiving compliments. However, emerging research indicates that they are less likely than women to be given such praise. Men are more likely than women to compliment women.
This is a shame. We all desire to be appreciated. Complements make us feel valued and special. A compliment can be a great way to tell someone you love that you are special.
Make an effort to compliment your man. If you want your praise to have a lasting impact, be specific! Instead of saying “You look great today”, say, “I love the shirt you have on.” You look so strong! Instead of saying “You’re so good at cooking”, say, “I loved dinner tonight.” It was the best steak I have ever had.
Be sure to be genuine in your compliments and appropriate to the situation. It’s not a good idea to praise someone too much. You don’t want him to feel overwhelmed by praise when he is having a difficult day.
Excessive praise can be perceived as disingenuous. You can also feel babied if you praise too much.
2. Praise Him Before Others
It is important to compliment your man to make him feel valued. You should make an effort to tell your man how much you appreciate him often. He will feel like a million dollars if you praise him publicly.
Everyone has egos and everyone wants them to be happy. Think about what you can brag about when you go out with friends or family.
Context is crucial. It is important to not randomly praise people when they are discussing a different topic. This can make you appear desperate and awkward.
If someone mentions a relevant topic, you can add a line about how proud of your man. Let him know that you value his contributions to your life and admire his intelligence and hard work.
3. Support His Goals
Both partners should strive to be their best in a healthy relationship. Both of you should strive to improve yourself. Your relationship will be more fulfilling if you both focus on this task.
You must encourage and support him in his pursuits. You must show your support, even if he doubts himself. It is important to show that you are confident that he can achieve whatever he wants.
Asking questions and being interested in his answers is a great way to do this. Do not assume that he knows what he wants in life. It is important to make it a habit of checking in on him regularly.
Don’t be critical of or point out any regressions. Progress doesn’t always go linearly. It’s common to have setbacks while working towards a goal. Shaming him will only increase his resistance and withdrawal, and it may also cause him to abandon all of his goals.
4. Encourage Manly Moments
Men like to feel strong and protected, even if they don’t fit the traditional gender roles. They want to be their hero, for themselves and those they love most.
This complex can be activated by simply asking him:
- Move or pick up heavy items.
- Open a stubborn jar.
- Fix what is broken
- Assist with manual labour around your house.
- Grab something out of reach.
This is not a difficult one. Your man can help you, which will bring you immense satisfaction and increase your self-esteem.
5. Get His Opinion
Asking your man questions about his opinions and feelings on particular issues is a great idea. It shows your appreciation for his thoughts and opinions. This action will also help you to become a more collaborative couple.
Men want to feel that their opinions are valued. It can lead to resentment, frustration, and even anger if you make decisions that are not in your best interests. You might make them feel that you don’t care about their needs. They might also assume that you know the best.
Focus on inclusion. With that suggestion, you can also aim to implement his ideas when you make decisions. It is not a good idea to seek out help only to be frustrated or confused later.
6. Accept Old-Fashioned Moments
You are capable of taking care of yourself and you are strong. While it is important to embrace your independence, there are times when you can let your man be a gentleman.
Are you willing to give him the chance to be romantic and chivalrous? Are you open to letting him carry your bag? Is it possible to give the groceries to him as you leave the shop?
Even if these moments seem small or insignificant, they can be very important. They make men feel valued and help boost their self-esteem.
7. Accept Yourself to be Vulnerable
We often put up a strong front to not be taken advantage of. If you have been hurt in the past, it is possible to protect your emotions. This can be triggered by trauma or if there have been relationship problems.
However, activating your hero instinct requires you to be honest with yourself and your feelings. This requires courage, but you have to be open to being vulnerable even if it scares you.
The right partner will accept you as you are. A serious red flag could be if you feel rejected, shamed or judged. You may be with an immature or childish partner. It’s better to find out sooner than later in almost all cases.
Even if you are normally independent and strong, vulnerability can be a great thing. A man will be proud to know that you can do it all.
8. Embrace His Vulnerability
It’s not about letting your masculinity run wild. This is about respecting and nurturing all parts of him, especially if he has emotional struggles.
This is what you should think about it. Many men believe that they have to perform well to be considered worthy. However, 86% of men feel the pressure to be emotionally strong. They want to make you proud and exceed your expectations, but they also have feelings.
If your man is displaying his emotions, whether it be through crying, acknowledging fear or becoming embarrassed, it’s your responsibility to support them.
It doesn’t matter if he is feeling better. It doesn’t take a solution to solve the problem. Remember that emotions are normal reactions and all of us have them. Let him know that you are there to help him in any way he needs.
9. Don’t be too Needy
This suggestion might seem counterintuitive at first. You just read about the benefits of letting your man help and embracing vulnerability.
Everything must be done in moderation. If you want to be a part of a meaningful relationship, it is important not to appear helpless. This creates an unbalanced, one-sided relationship. Your partner will feel less empowered to support your needs and more burdened.
It is important to be independent. Your priorities, activities, and relationships are important. You can lose your identity if you fail to keep these things in check or neglect them after you are in a relationship. A person without a sense of self is unattractive.
It’s better not to ask for help all the time, but to ask for it. You can choose when you require help. You should give him the right occasions to shine and step up. Don’t expect him to do everything!
10. Let it be known that you are happy
Nobody needs to play games in a healthy relationship. No one needs to know how you feel. You certainly don’t want people to act in a certain way.
Be sincere. Let him know you are happy for him and your relationship. You should be grateful often. Keep an eye out for all the things you love about him.
Remember that happiness is not a fixed emotion. Although it’s a fluctuating emotion, even in difficult moments you can still find joy and meaning in the things you share.
11. Embrace Your Commitment
Do not keep secret how you feel. Let your man know if you are the one for him. Accept your level of commitment and take advantage of opportunities.
This one is important, but you should be careful not to go too far. It’s not appropriate to discuss how you feel about your soulmates if you are just starting a relationship. You wouldn’t tell someone that you haven’t connected with them on a first date.
However, if things get more serious, it is important to be open about your feelings and intentions. Let someone know that you love them!
12. Respect His Boundaries
A healthy relationship requires boundaries. Everybody has their limits and your loved ones must respect them. If someone violates your boundaries repeatedly, it can lead to anger and erosion of trust.
What does it mean to respect boundaries when it comes down to your man? Respecting boundaries means that you accept his needs. While you may not always be able to meet their needs (nobody’s perfect), it is important to listen with an open mind.
Respecting your partner’s boundaries will ensure that you don’t ask him questions as soon as he enters the house.
Remember that every relationship has its boundaries. Some couples might find it acceptable to share passwords on social media with each other. But, a different couple may find this boundary too restrictive or invasive.
All it comes down to consistent communication. Both of you need to agree on what is acceptable and unacceptable. While what works for you might not work for another couple, that isn’t the point. It is important that you agree on your limits and work together to respect them.
13. Be Enthusiastic
Men may enjoy chasing after someone who works hard. However, this thrill is fleeting. When women want to be with men, they stick around!
All of us are at risk of being on autopilot. If this happens, it’s time to do a reality check. You can show him why you are special and make an effort to give it your full attention.
If you love physical affection, cuddle him and have some fun tonight. You can also psych yourself up to have sex the next time. Try to get in the mood for sex and make him feel as comfortable as possible.
Enthusiasm goes beyond the physical. You might plan a romantic date with him at a beautiful place that you are sure he will enjoy. You can also pick up his favourite dessert on the way home from work. Let him know you thought of him!
Quality is often more important than quantity. It’s impossible to be infatuated 24/7 because we’re all busy. It will always be appreciated if you make genuine efforts to make him feel special.
14. Show Him Your Undivided Attention
If you are always bored or distracted, it is impossible to activate your hero instinct. If you don’t listen to him, he will feel that he doesn’t matter.
Present in your relationship is a priority. Schedule conversations ahead of time if you are short on time. Even if you only have five to ten minutes each for a chat, it can make a big difference.
Your man should know you are attentive, engaged, and listening to him. You must be able to count on your man.
Active listening is a way to model it as much as you can. Your phone should be put down. Do not interrupt. Limit external distractions.
Ask for clarification if you are unsure. Take the time to listen and reflect on his words. You can make him feel that your needs are important and he will be more inclined to stay with you.
15. What Makes Him Feel Loved?
Gary Chapman created the Five Love Languages concept to help you build stronger relationships with other people. Your love language is the way you feel most connected.
Some people value time spent together, for example. Some people value acts of service such as washing dishes or washing cars. Some people feel the most loved when they receive special gifts.
Although there are no right or wrong languages, it is a good idea for your partner to be familiar with theirs. It’s possible to guess. You can also take the online quiz if you’re not sure.
Now that you have this information, think about how you can play up your love language as often and as often as you can. If he is a fan of acts of service, you might think of small, concrete steps that can be taken to make his life easier. Perhaps it’s washing his laundry more often or filling up his car with gas.
Consider how you can touch more when you are together if he is fond of physical affection. You might choose to hold his hand while you run errands or rub his back while you watch a movie.
There is also a chance that you know specific things that make him feel special. Perhaps he is excited to learn how to make a particular recipe. He might be happy to see you in your favourite dress and style your hair. You will make him feel special and appreciated if you include more of these positive activities in your daily life.
Is the Hero Instinct a Better Relationship?
Every relationship is unique, so it’s not fair to assume that every couple will benefit from the hero instinct. We are all very individual and have our own needs.
Both men and women want to feel valued and important. They want to feel loved and appreciated by their family members. They value their inner strengths.
It doesn’t hurt to try to embrace your hero instinct. It might be worth trying to reactivate your hero instinct if you feel it is lacking in your relationships. This could open up new motivations for your man. You may feel more appreciated and important together.
What are the Hero Instinct 12 words?
James Bauer points out a 12-word text that activates the hero’s instincts automatically. This is only one coach’s experience. To learn more about his message, you will need to access his paid course.
Don’t complicate things! Quick fixes, even if they sound appealing, rarely work in a real relationship.
It takes time to make things work. Instead of trying to fix everything in one day, try building slow and sustainable habits. Your man should feel valued. Recognize your partner’s happiness. Keep your relationship strong and committed. It is important to make it a priority for him to be needed. These goals will help you make your man feel special.
What is a man’s secret obsession?
Men are obsessed with being irreplaceable, even though they may not admit it. They want to feel that they are the only one for you.
Sometimes this need may be partially satisfied by other variables. He might feel confident in his job. He may have strong relationships with his family and friends. He may even be passionate about a hobby that gives him immense fulfilment.
These variables are often less important than those of a woman. You should, paradoxically, start by listening to his needs and then share yours. He will feel that he is earning and ready to show it again.
You activate a secret obsession when a man feels like he is constantly falling in love with someone. He will not want to be with anyone else. This is the moment you unlock your hero instinct. He will feel so happy to have you around, to rescue and appreciate you.
Secret obsession does not only apply to current romantic relationships. Some people discover that the secret obsession activates after a breakup. He realizes that he does not want to be with another person. He often comes to his senses and attempts to rekindle the relationship. It’s up to you to decide what you want to do next.
Last Thoughts
You now can set off a man’s hero instinct. This will give you control and direction in your relationships. Both of you can achieve greater happiness.
It is not difficult to activate the hero instinct, as you might realize. It takes only insight and motivation. This instinct is essential for maintaining a healthy dynamic, whether you are in a long-term relationship, just starting a relationship, and/or dating.
Men want to be the hero of your story. This goal is important and you are doing your men (and yourself) a favour. It’s a win for all. Once activated, you’ll feel more connected, safe, and protected with your partner.