Some arguments are not accurate or clean. Sometimes, our enemies, our friends, or unknown people will try to hurt our emotions when we argue. We need to be prepared with good roasts and comebacks to shut them up and defend ourselves.
Roasts aren’t just for arguments. It’s a dark art of humour which can make friends and family happy. You can spice up boring meals or tired evenings by knowing which roast to use at the right time. Some of these insults are so offensive that you should not use them with your family.
We have put together a list of over 55 roasts. Use them in arguments to make opponents doubt their existence. They are all sarcastic but can still do a great job. Continue reading to learn how to deal with annoying people.
Enjoy these 55 Great Roasts
- What happens to women who drink alcohol during pregnancy?
- I want to walk by you when I see you.
- You are the sun of my life… Now get 93,000,000 miles away from me.
- You have a gorgeous face… but let’s cover that personality with a bag.
- Everyone can find someone. You’ll need a therapist.
- I would hit you, but animal abuse is against my beliefs.
- If I were to commit suicide, I’d jump straight from your ego up to your IQ.
- I’m not sure if I could live my entire life without you.
- Anyone who told you to just be yourself gave you bad advice.
- I didn’t intend to offend… but that was a big plus.
- I don’t dislike you but I would give you high fives if I thought you were about to drown.
- Will you also leave me if I throw a stick?
- Sorry, I couldn’t come up with an insult that you would understand.
- It works. I don’t understand what you are so stupid about.
- What doesn’t kill me, I will not tolerate it.
- You are hilarious for trying to fit all your vocabulary into a single sentence.
- I like how you style your hair so that horns are not visible.
- Have a good day… elsewhere.
- It would be insulting to call you stupid.
- She didn’t believe you when I told her about you.
- Did you know that your incubator has tinted glass? This explains quite a bit.
- The last time I saw you, you were behind metal grids.
- If I could get a dollar for every time you stop talking, I’d give it to you as a way of saying thank you.
- We didn’t want you to be disappointed by telling them it was an IQ test.
- Honey, the only thing that bothers me is what’s between your ears.
- The only thing I like about our relationship now is that it no longer includes you.
- You look like a piata every time I hold a stick.
- You’re like a new software version. Every time I see your face, I think “Not right now”.
- Where have you been all my life? Can you go there?
- There are instructions on the shampoo bottles because you are responsible for this.
- I think that you need to be high-fived… in the head… with a seat.
- You are a very talented person. I hope you remain there.
- When I look at you, I think of how two billion years have been wasted in evolution.
- You would have a wonderful day if you used glue instead of Chapstick.
- Even though I am fully vaccinated I won’t hang out with your friends.
- I’m pre-annoyed when I see you approaching. I’m giving myself an early start.
- You are the main reason God has stopped talking to us.
- You’ll be surprised at how much joy you can bring to others… just by leaving the room.
- You dislike me. You should learn to have a better sense of taste.
- You start talking and I stop listening.
- Are you talking to me? Do you only speak behind my back?
- I’m sorry… did my back hurt your knife?
- You are abusing this privilege.
- Cry me a River, then drown in it.
- Ola soy Dora. Please help me locate the question we asked.
- You are getting oxygen from a tree somewhere. Sorry.
- Earth is full. Earth is full.
- Your purpose is to donate your organs.
- I envy people who haven’t met you.
- Why do you roll your eyes? You are looking for your brain.
- You haven’t changed since I last saw you. You should.
- What’s wrong with you, exactly? You have taken too many drugs today in the mental hospital?
- If you want to avoid any doubt, it is better not to speak and have people believe that you are stupid rather than open your mouth.
- The list includes hurting you, which is the last thing I would want to do.
- Sorry, I think the middle of my sentences interrupted your beginning.
- Tell me. What makes you believe that the next 25 times will be any different?
- I’m not ignoring you. I’m just giving you time to digest what you said.
- You prove me wrong every time I think that you cannot get any dumber.
- What is the off button on your phone?
15 Great Comebacks
- What is the next part of your argument?
- You are not just a drama queen. You are the entire royal family.
- Have you heard that? You can hear me not caring.
- You are not able to fix all your mistakes.
- I would tell you to blow out your brains, but I am pretty sure there is nothing there.
- I don’t wish to ruin your party. I want a storm.
- Have you run out of words or have you exhausted your vocabulary?
- I’ve already given out my trophies, but this is a participation award.
- God must have put you at the bottom of his list when he created you.
- Divorce rates are high because of you.
- Glowsticks have a better future than you. It lasts longer even in bed.
- You can be whatever you want… except good-looking.
Funny Insults
- You’re the worst choice I have made.
- I would get a virus if I took a photo of you.
- You deserve to love… even from afar
- God created your kind to add humour to the world.
- If anyone tells you that you are beautiful, they’re lying.
- The good books tell me to be good friends. But I think I’ve made a mistake
- You made me increase my daily caffeine intake
- You do realize we tolerate you.