Relationships are hard. You start out believing you are soul mates. You stay up all night talking. Your passion is at a constant simmer.
Over time this stuff can begin to disappear. Life gets in the way. You get used to each other. Complacency rears its ugly head. You take each other for granted. Communication breaks down. Passion is a distant memory.
This is not uncommon and is the reason why one-third to a half of all marriages end in divorce. Whether these reasons are enough on their own to bring on a breakup or whether they precipitate other behaviours such as infidelity, which pushes the relationship to a place of no return, the result is the same.
Many couples can sense their relationship heading down this path and want to stop before it becomes irrevocable but what can you do?
Just Dance
Yes. It is possible to dance your way back into each other’s hearts, minds, and souls. In many bird and animal species, courtship dances are common. Humans are no exception.
Dancing occupies a unique place within our roots, history, and culture and much of the place it occupies is to do with partnerships, courtships, sex, and romance.
Dance has played a role in courtship and seduction since the beginnings of societies. It is partly responsible for the evolution and success of our species. This is because dance was a way of displaying health, vigour, and fertility.
These biological cues are still present and undeniable today. Without us even knowing it we pick up on subtle clues from dances including strength, symmetry, and even the phases of a woman’s menstrual cycle which all add to how attractive someone’s dancing appears to us.
Dance plays a large part in different aspects of desire and the formation of successful relationships. From exhibitionist and performance dancing styles such as burlesque or pole dancing to the pairing up during the slow dance at a disco.
From the common trope of the nightclub as as a place to hook up’, to the tradition of the newlyweds first dance together at their wedding.
But, surely that is all about the beginning of a relationship? The initial attraction, sex. How can dancing help a failing marriage or long-term relationship?
How Can Dancing Save a Marriage?
One of the reasons relationships break down irrevocably is because couples lose the courtship aspect. They stop trying to court and seduce each other.
Dancing together can help to rekindle that spark of courtship and desire.
It can be argued that the reason that passion fizzles away in heterosexual long-term relationships and marriages is that, as time goes on, the culmination of that passion is not what a woman craves and needs.
In our society, and reinforced by the media, women, and men have learned to express passion and desire in a particular way. With a focus on culmination, speed, and on purely physical expressions of desire.
This leaves both women and men missing out on the things that they need in order to get true fulfilment out of their intimate relationships. Couples commonly miss out on closeness, connection in more than a physical way. Dancing can bridge the gap between physical closeness and passion and the mental and spiritual connection.
Chemical Romance
Other common reasons why relationships break down include problems that those in a relationship have as individuals. Depression, anxiety, and self-esteem problems can make all aspects of life difficult, especially intimate and romantic relationships.
Those that suffer can feel unworthy of love and their partner can feel rejected and helpless because they are unable to make their loved one feel better.
The chemicals that dancing causes our bodies to release are all the so-called happiness chemicals; dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins. These chemicals have antidepressant qualities, encourage feelings of love and empathy, helps stabilise moods, reduce anxiety, add to our feelings of self-worth and self-esteem, confidence, and lessen our fears of rejection.
Understanding how these chemicals affect us helps to understand why dancing feels so good and is such a bonding and rekindling experience for couples. Especially those who suffer from issues as individuals.
Communication Breakdown
Another commonly cited reason for divorce and relationship disintegration is lack of communication. Dancing can lead the way to more open channels of communication between you as a couple.
It allows you to see emotions in your partner in moments of frustration when a step is hard to master as well as the joy of success in learning a move, perfecting a move, or truly finding that synchronisation together.
In sharing these you become more mindful of each other’s feelings and emotions and you are on your way to opening better and more honest channels of understanding and communication.
Furthermore, in the same way sexual union creates synchronicity between couples in more than a physical way. Dance does too. Dancing together makes you focus on non-verbal cues and communication. When dancing, a couple becomes one: body, mind, and soul.
Finally, in the act of booking dance classes, for example at Zoltan’s Ballroom and Latin Dancing studio, you are both scheduling time together, prioritising your time together and your relationship.
You are committing to not only dance and learn together but to dedicate that time to each other as a couple.