For many, monogamous marriage has forced us to accept subpar relationships with limited room for growth – but it doesn’t have to be this way. In fact, consensual non-monogamy can open your relationship up to a world of freedom and strengthen the bond between you and your loved one. Whether it’s a seeing Perth escorts as a couple or venturing out solo to see an escort in Melbourne, hiring a sex worker is a great way to dip your toes into the world of consensual non-monogamy for many couples.
Types of arrangements
Throughout my time as an escort I can truly say I’ve seen it all, particularly when it comes to consensual arrangements. I’ve seen clients for specific domination services which their partners weren’t interested in exploring, married couples looking for their first threesome (or foursome) experience, and newly-weds in an open marriage trying to ensure flexibility and sustainability within their marriage.
The latter is one of the most common types of arrangements I have come across and proven a successful model for many, but your arrangement will be specific to your relationship. Many think this is kind of sexual freedom is nothing but a pipe dream, but with the pros to guide you, you’ll be questioning why you hadn’t done it sooner!
This is all great but how the heck do I bring it up?
Finding out what works for your marriage will take discussion and negotiation which can be the scariest part. One thing to keep in mind is that consensual non-monogamy goes both ways. You’re on this journey together, not alone. This means negotiating what works best for both of you, amongst other things.
While seeing an escort might appeal to you, your partner might be interested in attending sex parties. Neither you or your partner are forced to do anything, but consensual non-monogamy works best when you’re both open to exploration.
Stepping outside of the realms of monogamy can invoke feelings of jealousy and insecurity on both ends – and this is very normal.
This is also why hiring a pro be a great starting point, finishing point or compromise, rather than heading straight for the dating scene. The best piece of advice I can give any couple taking their first steps is to go slow and communicate.
Understanding whether consensual non monogamy with an escort right for your marriage
Before booking a worker or even bringing the topic up, understand what your needs are, and why you want to see a sex worker or delve into non-monogamy in the first place.
While consensual non-monogamy can provide freedom and security missing from monogamous relationships, it is worth noting that it’s not everyone’s cup of tea and you may decide your relationship is just better suited to monogamy.
Approaching the topic with care, openness and consideration is vital. There are loads of different books, videos and websites you can use to dive deeper into the world of consensual non-monogamy. The internet is your oyster!
Bringing it up in a safe space
Out of the blue, these conversations can be very confronting but the more you can assist your partner in understanding your needs, assuring them that this is just an idea and that you still want a future together, the less intense and difficult these become.
Once you’ve done some prep work, you’re ready to open lines of communication. Gently bring up the idea of seeing a sex worker with your partner when you’re both in a relaxed and safe space.
This means no kids, no work, minimal stress, and somewhere private. If you’re feeling uneasy about having the discussion, you can always start with an article like this one about being “Monogamish” or anecdote about non-monogamy or sex work and then build up to a deeper conversation.
Give them time to process and be open
For some, particularly those who have been in long term monogamous marriage, a topic like this can take time to process. Expecting a yes/no answer, especially right after you’ve brought it up, is unrealistic.
In fact, it is common for the initial conversation not to be met with enthusiasm. It’s vital that you let your partner know that you are here for them and open to future discussion.
As polyamory expert and Melbourne escort Georgie Wolf recommends, something like “I just want to put the idea out there. Think it over, and let’s talk again in a few weeks.”
This gives them space and time to explore the concept themselves and understand what is right for them. As with any new shift in a relationship, adjustment takes time, communication and negotiation. Couples therapy can also be a great tool to help facilitate this!
So, while adding a bit of non-monogamous spice to your life, and exploring seeing a sex worker with your partner can be very enticing and exciting, remember to take it slow and listen to your partner’s wants and needs in this process, too. Patience and communication will be your best friend, and well, slow and steady wins the race, after all!